Feeling stuck? Want the secret to more satisfaction, creativity and meaningful relationships in your life?<\/p>\n
It\u2019s simple.\u00a0 It\u2019s very hard to do, but it\u2019s simple.<\/p>\n
Here it is: \u00a0Judge less!<\/p>\n
We judge constantly and aren\u2019t even aware of it most of the time. \u00a0\u2018I don\u2019t like that.\u2019 \u2018I do like this.\u2019 \u2018I agree with them.\u00a0 I don\u2019t agree with them.\u2019 \u2018They\u2019re right.\u2019 \u2018He\u2019s wrong.\u2019 \u2018That\u2019s good.\u2019 \u2018That\u2019s bad.\u2019 \u2018He\u2019s lazy.\u2019 \u2018She can\u2019t be trusted.\u2019 \u2018I should have known that.\u2019 Etc. We not only spend much of our time and energy judging but, what\u2019s worse, is that we then come up with reasons to justify why we believe what we believe so we can be right about it.\u00a0 And, we human beings LOVE to be right.\u00a0 We will kill off (metaphorically speaking) relationships, ideas, people, to prove how right we are and how wrong they are.<\/p>\n Consider, however, that your conclusions and judgments will condemn you to do more of the same and produce the same results.\u00a0 Every time you have a judgment or point of view about something or someone,\u00a0you limit what else is possible<\/strong>.\u00a0 You limit your options and your choices. Let me give you a few examples:<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m too old\/ too young to ______.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cNo one really appreciates that I\u2019m doing most of the work around here.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t do anything about that problem; it\u2019s not my department.\u00a0 They should _______.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m unhappy in my job, but I need to stay.\u00a0 We need the money and in this economy it\u2019s too risky to make a change.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s not my dream, but I have to support my partner in the business; we can\u2019t afford to hire employees.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Sound familiar?\u00a0 Maybe not the specific content but do you feel the mood of these? \u00a0All conclusions about how it is.\u00a0 No possibilities.\u00a0 No room for exploration or inquiry as to what else might or could be possible.<\/p>\n Once you have concluded that they are wrong, or that you are wrong, then you have to live from that frame of reference (or admit you were wrong to begin with which we hate to do).\u00a0 You close off potentially powerful and meaningful connections, conversations and relationships.\u00a0 You close off opportunities for innovation and creativity.<\/p>\n Of course, some of the conclusions we make are made by conscious choice.\u00a0 We are aware we are making them.\u00a0 For example, you might choose to take that particular job because you don\u2019t think you\u2019ll mind the extra travel; you decide to move to that new neighborhood because you assess the schools will be better for your kids; you go back for that master\u2019s degree because you believe you\u2019ll be more marketable.<\/p>\n Sometimes you\u00a0have<\/em>\u00a0to make a judgment.\u00a0 That\u2019s what managers get paid to do.\u00a0 They make judgments of who to hire and fire, who should get promoted, how the customer should be communicated with, etc.<\/p>\n I\u2019m not saying that judgment doesn\u2019t have its function in the world.\u00a0 I\u2019m saying that most of the time we don\u2019t know we are judging; we have concluded that this is the way things are \u2013 that this is the way\u00a0I<\/em>\u00a0am. We are mostly blind to our conclusions and judgments; we make them out of habits and histories.\u00a0 And then we try to design futures based on conclusions we didn\u2019t even know were running our thinking.<\/p>\n So, what do you do instead?\u00a0 Try practicing having more questions than conclusions!<\/p>\n By practicing leading and living from questions instead of conclusions, you\u2019re freed up to make different choices that are more aligned with what YOU care about.\u00a0 Let me give you some examples:<\/p>\n Conclusion:\u00a0 \u201cI am afraid to apply for that position because it involves public speaking and I can\u2019t get up in front of people and talk.\u201d<\/p>\n Question: \u201cI wonder what it will take for me to love sharing my message with people?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cWhat can I learn so this new position is a perfect fit for me?\u201d or \u201cWho said I can\u2019t get up in front of people?\u00a0 Am I finally willing to let go of that old story so I can have a different future?\u201d<\/p>\n OR<\/p>\n Conclusion:\u00a0 \u201cI can\u2019t confront my boss about the unreasonable work hours.\u00a0 That will put a black mark on my record for sure.\u00a0 I\u2019m lucky to have a job in the first place.\u201d<\/p>\n Question:\u00a0 \u201cI wonder how I could talk to my boss about the work hours so he\/she gets that I care about my job and this organization?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cIs there another perspective on this than the one I\u2019m seeing right now?\u201d \u00a0\u201cI wonder who I could ask for help from on this issue?\u201d<\/p>\n Can you feel the mood shift with the questions?\u00a0 Can you feel more expansiveness with the questions?\u00a0 Can you sense how the questions open new possibilities more than the conclusions?<\/p>\n This practice of replacing conclusions with questions may be difficult at first.\u00a0 You may not know what questions to ask.\u00a0 You may not even be able think of a question since your habit is to conclude and assess. When you start asking questions you may also be tempted to come up with all the reasons why your original conclusion is \u201ctrue\u201d.\u00a0 Your old habits of thinking will kick in with a desperate attempt to win you back to your familiar ways of doing things.<\/p>\n <\/u>But, keep at it!\u00a0 And, if you can\u2019t think of a question ask this one: \u201cWhat am I not seeing about this situation that might open up a new way forward?\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Feeling stuck? Want the secret to more satisfaction, creativity and meaningful relationships in your life? It\u2019s simple.\u00a0 It\u2019s very hard to do, but it\u2019s simple. Here it is: \u00a0Judge less! We judge constantly and aren\u2019t even aware of it most of the time. \u00a0\u2018I don\u2019t…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":668,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-457","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n
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