I recently met with a new coaching client, a leader of an NGO, to better understand her leadership challenges. I had been asked by her Board to support her in hitting the goals and milestones she had been repeatedly missing in the past year. The conversation ended up being mostly her one-sided rant about how hard she was working, how little respect she got, how toxic the work environment was and how incompetent everyone else was around her.<\/p>\n
OK, I get we all need to vent from time to time and blow off steam. The daily pressures of trying to meet goals and satisfy multiple stakeholders especially in complex, uncertain and under-resourced environments can add up. Left unexamined and uncommunicated however, the little \u2018complaints\u2019 can turn into pretty big resentments over time.<\/p>\n
Resentment comes with a belief that you\u2019ve been treated or assessed unfairly. It also very often comes with a belief that it\u2019s not your fault; the fault lies somewhere else or with someone else. Once you\u2019re caught in the emotion of resentment, it is really hard to shake. It starts to permeate all of your interactions. It gets in the way of good decision making. I liken rising resentment to the metaphor of the frog in the boiling water. You don\u2019t realize you\u2019re in hot water until it\u2019s too late. You don\u2019t realize how resentful you\u2019ve become until it spills over into other areas of your life and makes a mess of your relationships, interactions with others, and clarity in thinking.<\/p>\n
The most astounding part of the conversation with my new client was that at no time did she ask the question: \u2018what\u2019s my responsibility in this matter?\u2019 or \u2018how has my leadership approach gotten us to this point?\u2019 or \u2018what have I missed or mis-managed here?\u2019 In my experience this kind of self- reflection and inquiry is a fundamental leadership competency. And, if you\u2019re the leader, your missed promises ARE your responsibility.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s true that you can\u2019t control all the circumstances you find yourself in. The circumstances aren\u2019t necessarily your fault. But, if you\u2019re the leader, isn\u2019t it your job to communicate those circumstances with the stakeholders and discuss a new way forward? And to have those conversations as often as necessary until you get the issue(s) resolved? Isn\u2019t it also your job to manage your emotions? To be self-aware enough to realize that your communications and actions are being negatively impacted by, in this example, unexpressed resentments?<\/p>\n
And, yes, that is definitely easier said than done! It takes a lot of awareness. It takes courage to speak up. It takes persistence. It takes attention and discipline to change whatever behaviors aren\u2019t serving your desired outcomes (yours and your team\u2019s). It takes vulnerability to ask for help. Hey, no one said leadership is easy!<\/p>\n
I eventually had my client write down all the things she was resentful at and, after a heartfelt discussion, we created a plan for her to have all the missing conversations to get her fully engaged and back on track. You might try doing the same thing. If you notice you\u2019re caught by resentment, NOW would be a good time to address it before it keeps you from the results you most care about.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I recently met with a new coaching client, a leader of an NGO, to better understand her leadership challenges. I had been asked by her Board to support her in hitting the goals and milestones she had been repeatedly missing in the past year. The…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":663,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-459","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n